Haven’t written anything on here for a while. Been in and out of a depressive haze and learning more about meditation. I read through some of my earlier stuff, the narcissistic urge to do that is always a bad idea; some of it is pretty awful and some of it is wrong about a lot of stuff. I’ve learnt a lot more about what’s really going on in the world since then. I’ll not delete it though, will just leave it and move on. It is never a good idea to look at stuff you’ve done in the past, it just sends you even further into depression and introspection, which isn’t helpful.
My meditation is progressing and I can do roughly 30 – 45 minutes a day now, depending on how I feel. Although it is still hard to keep my attention focused, I can do it for longer and I have got much better at bringing that calm and balanced state of mind into my everyday life. I still get angry and frustrated about stuff, still get anxious, it’s part of being human to feel like that, even Zen masters get angry and afraid; but the meditation is making it easier to be aware of how I am feeling and to let go of the negative stuff that isn’t much help to anyone.
I have a corvid friend at the moment. A fledgling we found abandoned on the side of the road that looked almost dead and had flies buzzing all over it. We took her home and found out she had a broken wing. She quickly started to make a recovery. Within a few days she was hopping about and sitting on my shoulder. I never knew corvids were such lovely animals. My body clock has changed as well, she gets up early every morning, so I have to go to bed early in order not to be too knackered to cope the next day.
Yeah the world is a crazy place just now and the future don’t look too golden, but I’ll leave my thoughts on that for today; maybe come back to it another time when the various different thoughts and opinions whirling about my head have had time to settle, and I know what it is I want to say.
That’ll do for now.. off to sit in the garden with my corvid friend and do some meditation.