Seeing all aspects of myself unfolding, not all that pretty, but a necessary destruction of my selfishness I think. Like a struggle within between light & dark.
Bubbles coming to the surface of my mind, then a power that is beyond measure rises from it’s surface, it just is, no words can really describe it other than it is. it shapes the world & exists in everyone. Like a dragon it weaves through our existence, an energy, it creates miracles, but these miracles are only miracles to us cause we don’t understand what is behind them.
My doubt takes over again & I lose touch of this energy & go back into a feeling of powerlessness & despair that can feel like a dam. I become weak & lose my will & give in to bad habits & laziness, I choose to give up & not to meditate or pray & my connection to the cosmic dragon feels lost & like it never happened.
Then I regain focus & remember it is just my thoughts. To remember this is a sign of hope I find, & a candle for my despair which helps me to see in the dark, if even just a glimmer it is enough to lift my spirits & to keep on fighting, if fighting is the right word, maybe understanding is a better word.