Insight Meditation 9

Still difficult to concentrate at times, I meditate, & without really noticing I’m doing it, I will lose focus & instead of being mindful I think about the day’s events.

What has changed though recently, with practise, is my reaction to these thoughts. When I realize I’ve been sat there for ten minutes & haven’t been mindful. Instead of giving myself a hard time for messing up & losing focus, or feeling like a failure & wanting to give up. I just shrug my shoulders & let the thoughts occur without worrying about them, I don’t fight them or attach too much emotion or meaning to them, instead I try to understand what the root of them is, why those things happened. Then when I gain insight into the cause & effect, listening out for the echo to help me. (The echo being how the world around me responds & reflects my actions.) I think of ways I could have done things differently to get different echoes.

The idea being that each time I do this I am teaching myself how to react to life’s situations in the right way that doesn’t cause suffering either to myself or others. I believe that gradually over a period of time, this will change my behaviour & create a new habit which will allow me to think before I act.

At the time of any event, it is hard to gain the mindfulness needed to consider what the right action would be in that situation, it is often easier to reflect on it later. In a calm meditative state you can carefully consider the outcome of your choices, & how things could have been different based on your actions.

I meditated on Jesus teaching that the kingdom of heaven is within you & what that means.

Heaven is a difficult thing to imagine. Most of us think it will be a place full of things we like. But not everyone likes the same things, so one person’s idea of heaven could be another person’s idea of Hell.

So nirvana, enlightenment or heaven isn’t a place, so much as a state of mind.

My brain is tired now, losing focus on what I’m writing about (: time for bed.

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