Despite my earlier feelings of wanting a wee break from this, I felt the urge to sit outside & practise again. I know this stuff sounds New Agey or hippy, I don’t see myself as conforming to either of those labels. I’m just me, a human being. I don’t really care much for what others think anymore. This is just who I am & I accept it, & it doesn’t matter anyway.
The meditation was a lot easier this time, different & more energizing. I could feel all the life around me, in the plants, birds, insects & this tiny spider who was spinning a web next to my shoulder. I no longer feel afraid or ashamed to talk about God. I felt like all this life was God. An amazing place this is, this planet is teeming with so much life, many of us, me included, just trundle about in our day to day existence & never fully appreciate the wonder of all this life on Earth.
I felt connected to it, & remembered how if someone remains still enough animals will come to them out of curiosity, a blackbird came to investigate, but so did my cat Butey, & it flew off making alarm calls.
I really need to find a way to get strong again physically. I feel so weak & fatigued at the moment, movement is a real effort. I need to be patient, I won’t get better over night, any improvement will take time. I’m thinking of trying yoga, nothing strenuous, just gentle stretching to help my muscles gain strength again.