Attempted another shot at insight meditation. Really rough one, was like trying to navigate through stormy seas. No joy… Couldn’t even be mindful. Then after a break came back to it again. I experienced something really unpleasant that froze me in a feeling of panic that made me unable to move or speak, this could be part of my illness as I had muscle spasms in my legs, arms & chest area which were painful & the unpleasant feeling could be related to that and not necessarily something mystical, but it made things difficult.
I did eventually reach a place of insight, but the insights gained were frightening. I was concerned about these new laws clamping down on free speech, not just in Britain but all over the world. I saw that these things will happen & the world is changing for the worse. I’m not religous so don’t be put off by what I say next, I had an urge to stop meditating & read a book from the bible called Daniel. I did this & the first 6 chapters tell of Daniel in Babylon & how he survived the draconian society he was forced into. Which is what I felt I needed to know. We might be unable to stop the dark times ahead; but we mustn’t let those dark times change who we are & what we believe in.
I meditated again, it was unpleasant again & this time I felt an angry presence, I felt afraid & unwell. I saw in my mind’s eye all the things we are doing to this earth, the senseless destruction of it. How economic growth actually speeds up environmental destruction, that the people who we elect to be our leaders they are following a dangerous course which will lead us all to a bad end. It may be already too late, I felt this huge storm coming, an angry fury that came from the earth, few will be prepared for it, the earth will change, terrible things will happen, places will become infertile, water will be scarce, there will be constant wars over what little there is left, the world will change, refugees will be everywhere seeking fertile places, but people will fight over them because there won’t be enough for all. There will be no peace.
I really hope this isn’t the future, what sort of world will my son have to live in? What have we done…
Going to have a rest from insight meditation for a bit as this one really took it out of me & left me feeling bleak… Was unpleasant…
Some folk may think why do this kind of meditation. I should instead focus only on mindfullness, forget the insight part as clearly it is not helping me if the experience is so unpleasant & it is just thinking anyway, isn’t meditation supposed to be about not thinking?
Meditation can involve thinking, insights aren’t always pleasant, sometimes the stuff you see is really not nice, it can be disturbing, frightening – but if you don’t face these things & understand them, if you just bury them in the sand & hope they will go away – how can you change anything? Cause it is down to each of us to change, we are all to blame equally for this mess, if we keep ignoring the call to change ourselves what hope is there?